Lately it's begun to dawn on me that I've spent most of my life believing in an employment fairy tale: that for each one of us, there's a job so well-aligned with our interests, knowledge, and experience that it feels more like a passion project than work.
My new job is miles - miiiiiiiles - better than my previous gig. There are many things I appreciate about it, perhaps the most important one being that it doesn't leave me crying in the bathroom during my lunch hour. Then there's the decent pay, the flexibility, not having to deal with back-to-back face-to-face meetings, the lack of commute, my hilarious boss, and the fact that I can take conference calls while cozied up in my favorite (but highly unprofessional) craft beer hoodie. Indeed, there's a lot to like about it.
But I've discovered that this job, like pretty much every other gig I've worked over the past 10 years, is... just a job. It utilizes my experience and covers the rent, and every now and then I'll receive an email or phone call that inches what I do into the realm of rewarding. But it's not a calling. I know most employers want their employees to be personally invested in the organization, consumed by the mission. I want that, too, because again, I've bought into the employment fairy tale - but the truth is, I've never felt that way about any job where I'm working for someone else.
So lately I've been thinking that I need to spend less time worrying about finding passion in my work and more time doing the things I love outside of work - cultivating those interests, investing in them, enjoying them. Taking some of the brain space currently occupied by work and giving it to my hobbies. Making those interests more significant in my life than my job. Seeing where they take me.
There are two main areas where I want to invest more of my time and passion:
(1) Running: Anyone who's been following for a while knows I am an ardent runner. Fast? No, but damn, do I have heart! I'm particularly interested in ultra running: running distances greater than that of a marathon (26.2 miles). After a year of IT band issues, I'm finally back on the trails and have started to build up my running base. My hope is to run a 50K this year, and I'm in the process of looking for one that is affordable and not too far away.
But besides running for myself, I also want to share it with others. I've been a runner for 20 years, and what the sport has given to me in that time is manifold: it keeps me healthy, allows me to explore the outdoors, and bolsters my confidence. It's also a crucial fixed point for me because I have a mental health condition that sometimes blurs the lines of my self-identity. On days when I don't know exactly who I am because my brain has muddied the waters, I always have an anchor: I am a runner.
Not everyone wants to run or benefits from running, but it can be a life-changer for some people, and so I want to help share it. To that end, I've signed up as a volunteer for a Couch-to-5K program that my running club puts on during early summer for folks who are new to the sport. Every Thursday evening, I'll buddy up with a few of the participants, walk/run beside them, and basically let them know how amazing they are for being out there.
Volunteering with this group is a first step. After that, I'd like to help out with races organized by my running club and get involved with Girls on the Run. In short, I don't just want to be a person who runs in my community. Rather, I want to play a role in supporting and strengthening the local running community.
*Side note, just to illustrate how much I love running:
This is me under normal circumstances:
Like, were it not for the poodle, I could be convinced that that's me as a child.
This is me when I'm running:
2) Etsy-ing: My ultimate pie-in-the-sky career goal is to be gainfully self-employed. It's something I've been pondering for the last three years. The possibility of it excites and energizes me. Although I do have a Big Idea in mind (opening a "base camp" to host runners, hikers, and scientists who visit our area), I don't know how or when that would pan out. I figure now is a good time to assess my interests, build upon my strengths, and curate a toolkit of skills and resources that I can use later on if I manage to transform this nebulous dream into a solid reality.
As a (very) small stepping stone, last week I started an Etsy store to sell plastic-alternative cloth beeswax wraps. Just getting to the point of signing up for an account took months of deliberation. First of all, between work, parenting, running, and blogging, I don't have a ton of extra time. And second, as you can tell from the decidedly un-snazzy nature of this blog, I'm not really into building websites or taking Instagram-worthy photographs. That sort of thing stresses me out, which is why I hemmed and hawed for months about what it would take to build a space on Etsy. Finally I decided to just go for it, even if it looks clunky and even if my product pictures are a little poorly lit. I figure I'll improve it as I go along.
The store's been open a week. Much to my surprise, I've made four sales to the tune of $72. I've spent several gloriously meditative hours scouring the fabric store for remnants, cutting out the fabric pieces, ironing in the wax, and thinking about how much I appreciate each person who placed an order and how cool it is that they're going to use less plastic because of a thing I made. Woot! Worth it? So far, yes.
Don't get me wrong - I don't think my Etsy store is going to pay the rent anytime soon! But it's a good playground for me to explore entrepreneurship at a small scale. Plus, it's one business I can actually afford to take on right now. And it's fun.
What I hope to achieve by doing more of what I love is to stop treating work as the centerpiece of my daily life. If I can re-allocate some of the massive amounts of mental space that I currently devote to my job to the things I love, I think I'll feel more rooted in my own life, and less frustrated by the sense that work is stealing my time.
Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash (Note: I wrote this yesterday evening but wanted to let it sit for a few hours before sharing it wit...
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